Monday blues

Sad morning to me, yup i just came back from work at 5.30am just now, well was actually sick last week had a 1 week home- stay due to mini operation at my leg, had some growth. Oh yar, work has been miserable ever. I don't know sometimes u feel, like ur out. Like totally, when "they"talk about something, and u are always the last person to get updated, although u know them for more than 6months. And i always have to pretend every single day that i'm happy but every single day i'm not. I have to fake everything, everyone always ask me whether im ok? Like what the? And some say i think too much. But it"s a fact. When i kept quite people will like say that, " dee mane campur kite lagy?" . But when i'm with them, i will feel like i didnt exist. I mean i dont expect everyone to like everyone. I hate malay politics. "kacang lupekan kulit" . I was much more happier back theN, although i took full time. I swear i am hurting rite now. Dala aku mcm takde future. I want to study again:(. Should i just fill up some empty space between my life, and try some new challenges? I dunno. :(, In nature i was never friendly, imagine eh, aku baru je nak get a grab of this friend, padahal we are always close , but this moron potong jalan, and was so nice to everyone. Padahal she was never close to anyone. So isit my fault?!! Fcuk now i hate this. I swear i dont want to think bout all this anymore, i'm sick of all this, u making fun if me. Enough is enough. Now u go to hell. You irritating bitch. I hate today. I do, i do. I hate my life, myself, and everything. I could just die now.